We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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