remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
