I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
