So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
