Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
