my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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