Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
