I want to have your abortion
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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