my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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