Someone shit on the floor
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
