That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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