I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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