I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I currently don't understand fingers.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
