Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
