My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
honey bunches of taint.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
