p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
