I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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