Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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