so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize