I wish I could teleport
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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