I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
