I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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