zippers are such a cool invention
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
