We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
