i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
