I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
