I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
