You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
