I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
