Life is so much better after having sex.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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