I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
