apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
