I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
