yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
