Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
