I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
