Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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