Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
ok first of all what the fuck
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
