you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
