I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
