ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
