I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
