I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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