Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
