This is not my ceiling
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
