Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
is it fun? or sober?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
