I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
