exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
