FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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