Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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