All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
don't judge my taste in strippers
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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