i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
