I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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