If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
