I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
