Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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