Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just want nice things and good sex
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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