things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize