In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
