I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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