He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize