I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
