my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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