just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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