its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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