can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
