they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
