So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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