She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
