idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
