she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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