if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
