Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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