how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
